Swords and Scurvy

Swords and Scurvy
Written: 2006
Synopsis: A how-to guide on writing a story about pirates. Mostly humourous. Includes a sample tale.
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INTRODUCTION

Why pirates? The call of the high seas lingers in our blood, the yearn of the salty spray in our face, the wind in our hair, and the clear skies above us. The haunting whispers of forgotten gold, calling for one worthy to reclaim it. The clash of metal on metal as a duel as much of wits as brawn ensues. That's why pirates. Sure, we know that in reality, piracy is bad. A pirate ship was more or less a confined space full of rapists, thiefs, and murderers with weapons. But we romanticise it because we can. A story is a story, and fiction is fiction. And so we tell of pirates.

To start, first, before the treasure is buried or the winds blow south, we have to populate our fictional Spanish Main.


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PIRATE CHARACTERS

Characters are the bulwark of the pirate story. Pirate characters are usually easy to create1, as they rely on a number of archetypes. The majority of your pirates will be redshirts (see below), but the Captain at the very least should be a main character. A typical story usually has 3-5 pirates with character, though this number varies depending on length.

ARCHETYPES

THE SOFT-HEARTED MERCENARY
-This character is introduced as an unfriendly sort who cares only for money. Over the course of the story, we see that he actually has a heart and cares about people, and really only has a rough exterior. Oftentimes he himself is unsure of whose side he is on. He makes a good first mate, or even a captain, but isn't necessarily a ranking officer. He is a frequent occurance in a GPS. He is rarer in an EPS, but occasionally makes an appearence where he turns to the good side at the end.
Example: Jayne Cobb, Firefly2

THE LUCKY LOONY
-This character appears, at least to the other characters, to me completely mad. Sometimes he is actually sane, but not alwats. However, he is luckier than Tyche3. No matter how horrible things get, he manages to scrape his way out in some nigh impossible manner.
Examples: Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean;4

THE MENTOR FIGURE
-This character stems from the Campbellian archetype, but has been warped. In a GPS he is very reminescent of his forebears, but strangely enough he is more frequently seens in an EPS. He plays a role of temptor, trying to lure good characters to the side of piracy.
Example: Long John Silver, Treasure Island

THE WATSON
-The Watson archetype did not originate nor is exclusive to the pirate genre. Somebody has to be an explaininer, telling the other characters (and more importantly, the reader), the background and legends of the story, as well as explaining what's going on in times when it gets confusing.
Example: Mr. Gibbs, Pirates of the Carribean

THE YOUNG LAD
-When he appears, he's usually a main character. Since Robert Lewis Stevenson, it's become a tendency to make a Pirate story a Bildungsroman. Toward that end, it requires a young lad to join the Pirates (or the Anti-Pirates in an EPS).
Example: Jim Hawkins, Treasure Island

THE BANTERING DUO
-This is actually two characters rather than one. It stems from the pair of R2-D2 and C-3PO in Star Wars, which in turn harkens back to the peasant duo of Akira Kurosawa's Hidden Fortress. The pair is usually of low rank, but appear through at the movie, providing witty commentary on the events. In effect, this provides the story's comic relief.
Example: Pintel and Ragetti, Pirates of the Carribean

THE DEVIL HIMSELF
-Not really much to explain here. This character is the villain, of either a GPS or an EPS. As the Captain of a Pirate Ship, he's just as likely to kill his own men as his enemies. He is devious, shifty, cruel, and nigh impossible to defeat.
Example: Davy Jones, Pirates of the Carribean

THE GOOD FIGHTER
-Only appears in a GPS. This character has turned to piracy is an attempt to do righteous deeds, usually by attacking either the French or English exclusively. He is often, but not always, an ex-nobleman.5
Example: Captain Blood, Captain Blood

REDSHIRT
-A frequent occurance in any genre whre people die. The redshirt is usually, though not always, unnamed. His role in the story matters little, and his character has no room for development. His only purpose is to be shot, stabbed, poisoned, garroted, or drawn-and-quartered so your main characters don't have to.
Example: The guys in the other cannibal cage, Dead Man's Chest

CROSS-CLASS STOCK CHARACTERS
A pirate story can also be adapted to fit within a number of other genres, and vice-versa. If your pirate story is a fantasy, the young hero and the wizened guide can easily be adapted to fit in a pirate crew. Though variants already exist, as noted above, in this case they should stick closer to the traditional guidelines. Characters can always be pulled out of genre; it would not be amiss for the British Privateer to be a "loose-cannon cop," for isntance.


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PIRATE NAMES
Pirates are probably the luckiest characters in terms of naming. Most modern names, such as a Joseph, Robert, or William, work for pirates. However, more archaic names are still acceptable. Because the Carribean is a trading center, pirates were influenced by many cultures so all sorts of ethnic names are also applicable. Pirates are also heavy users of nicknames, so you can always substitute adjectives and descriptive terms in lieu of a proper name. In other words, just about anything works. Except Steve. I think we can all agree that Alan Tudyk is awesome even when he's got a few yards of Reaver spear sticking out of him, but Steve is just a bad name for a pirate.6


GOOD PIRATE NAMES
Three-finger Dave
Isaac Shepherd
Redbeard
Garax Linn
Crimson Jim
Peter Rimmer
Sam Waling
Killer Smith
Crom
Wallace Whitby
Samson Mathers

BAD PIRATE NAMES
Steve
Ralph8


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PIRATE STORY STRUCTURE

Pirate stories do not often begin in media res. There is frequently an introduction that sets the stage, giving the time period, introducing the pro- or an- tagonist, and occasionally establishing the Macguffin.

After that, the story usually jumps to introducing the pirate crew as well as any other characters. As soon as this is done, there is usually a beginning conflict; a short duel or shoot out. This is occasionally between protagonists. After this, the real antagonists are made clear, and there is another larger battle. The protagonists usually lose, though somehow escape.

After that is a rather slow period. Loose plot threads are tied up, the last few mysteries are solved, and the Macguffin (often buried treasure) is found. Then all hell breaks loose and the final battle begins. This is the climax of the whole story, and it is expected to be good, so you better make it so.

After that, just bring the characters back home (if they're alive) and the story's done. But not yet! The story should end on a cliffhanger, so you can make a sequel. Throw in one last scene that introduces a new character, or kills off an old one, or shows what really happened to the lost treasure, anything! It'll be worth it in the end.


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COMMON ELEMENTS

The weather is always a big deal in pirate stories. The opening scene should always be set in inclement weather. Rain, sleet, fog, class X hurricane, whatever floats your boat. Or capsizes it, as the case may be. The use of cloud cover can be a valuable asset in setting mood.

Superstition makes a frequent appearence. Pirates, as sailors, are superstitious creatures by nature. Many pirate stories portray this superstition as, well, superstition. Pirates can be easily tricked by playing to their fears. Other stories, most notably Pirates of the Carribean, make these superstitious fears a reality.

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PIRATE DIALOGUE

The best part about writing a pirate story is the dialogue.

The First Rule of Dialogue: There should be lots. As a swashbuckling tale, the pirate story should be full of witty sayings. In a duel, every thrust or parry should be accompanied by witty repertaie.

The Second Rule of Dialogue: Apostrophes are your friend. Pirates almsot never speak proper English. If a word doesn't have to be said in full, it isn't.

The Third Rule of Dialogue: Growling is acceptable and reccomended. Pirates do a lot of growling. A good growl should be placed at the beginning or end of a sentence.

Useful growls:
Yar
Yarr
Yaar
Yahar
Yaharr
Yaahar
Yahaar
Arg
Arrg
Arrrg
Arrrrg
Argh
Arrgh
Arrrgh
Arrrgh
Yarg
Yarrg
Yarrrg
Yargh
Yarrgh
Yarrrgh
Grr
Grrr
Grar
Grarr
Grarrg
Grarrgh

The Fourth Rule of Dialogue: Directed sentences should end in mate, or matey. Make sure you choose one, rather than switching between the two. They can also be placed in the middle of the sentence at an appropriate stop if neccessary, or even at the beginning. But mate, be careful of overusing them, mate, or it'll get really annoying, mate. Pirates use mate like Canadians use eh. For everyone's sake, don't write a Canadian pirate.

A Special Case: The word "you" should never, ever, be written out in pirate dialogue. Both "y'" and "ye" are acceptable replacements. One or the other should be used, most characters should not switch, except in mid-sentence to emphasize a difference in tone. "Yew" should be used in the case of the plural, as in "Yew lot!". When "you" appears in the predicate, especially as the last word, "Yeh" is also an acceptable variant.

SAMPLE CORRECTIONS:
Here are some sample sentences to emphasize how dialogue should go.

Wrong: Captain, the enemy is attacking at the forecastle!
Right: Yarr, Cap'n, th' rapscallions be attackin' th' fo'c'sle!

Wrong: Okay everyone, you can stand up now.
Right: On yer feet, yew scab'rous dogs!

Wrong: Good evening, sir, would you like something to drink? I can make you some tea if you'd like.
Right: Don't. Just don't.


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SAMPLE STORY
Here's a short sample pirate story. As we go along, I'll show you what the author does that is characteristic of the genre. Note, of course, that as most pirate stories are fairly sizable, portions have been shortened for length.

The Treasure of New Berington

A good title is worth a thousand words. By naming the MacGuffin right off the bat, the audience is immediately enticed. What exactly is the treasure of New Berington?

"Storm's a-coming." The rolling seas heaved up and spilled over the sides of the ship. The heavy waves sloshed across the deck, leaving a fine mist in the air. The pirate ship knifed its way through the rolling waves.

"Storms's coming." The skies above the stoney fortress began to darken. The clouds snuck in and coverd the sun. In the last fading light, the two frigates bearing the Union Jack slipped out of the dock and onto the open sea....
* * *

First, we establish the setting. Note the bad weather. Also, we see how the author is playing up the similarity between the British and the pirates. This is a common theme.

In the 17th century, pirates ruled the Spanish Main. No coastal village, town, or city was safe. The worst pirate, or best depending on your point of view, was Captain Francis James Abadar. He was captured thrice by British authorities, but escaped each time. He kidnapped the governor of Kingston for a king's ransom, and sunk at lest a dozen ships to Davy Jones's Locker. His ship, the Albatross was the largest and fastest ship in the Carribean. In 1627, he raided New Beringon and came away with all the gold in the king's treasury. But his nemesis, Commodore Arnold Thatcher, was anchored just south of the town and began pursuit...

Now we have our "history." The time, the names, and the setting are all set forth in a ruthlessly efficient manner. This particular format also allows this story to start as close to in media res as a pirate story can.

The HMS Mariner rode across the waves. The salty water swelled and rolled as pure water from above slammed into the froth. A single figure, clad in the blue and white, stood at the prow. The long dark hair was pasted to his head by the rain, and he clasped the steering wheel with a death-grip. As he turned the ship through the chaos, he sang softly, too himself. "And now the stormblast came, and he Was tyrannous and strong : He struck with his o'ertaking wings, And chased us south along." He whistled a bit in a lighter tone.

The first descriptive sequence establishes the setting and sets the tone for the work. The helmsman alone in the storm, usually singing, is a stock sequence. The song, in this case, is The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Given the work's dating, this reference is anachronistic, but that is acceptable. Note that the names of the ships are Mariner and Albatross.

"Shut yer rambling!" yelled a voice from inside the cabin. "Th' weather's bad enough wi'out listenin' to ye' sing!" A peal of thunder reinforced the point and the helmsmen went silent.

Inside the cabin, Commodore Thatcher was examining a map with his aides. "This weather's not kind to anybody. Abadar will seek shelter here." He jabbed the map on the south side of an island just south and east of New Berington. "There's a cove there; he'll be making for it. But we can cut him off here." He pointed slightly to the north. "Johnson, tell the helm to change course."

As a British officer, Thatcher is of high-class, and so does not use standard pirate parlance.

"Yessir." One of the bluejackets left the cabin, crouching low against the rain.

"But sir," protested another, one who was younger than the rest, "How do you know it's Abadar?

The Commodore glared at him. His blue eyes were alight with fire, but he spoke calmly, "No other pirate would be so brazen."

"What about Hancock?"

"Dead."

"McMullers?"

"Imprisoned last month."

"Finch?"

"Sunk off Tortuga"

"Ottson?"

"Retired."

"Freemark?"

"Enslaved in Tripoli."

"Abadar."

"Exactly."

This rapid-fire exchange is another staple, though it can be difficult in a literary medium. The specific usage of listing people and their fates is a frequent use of this.

The young soldier stood silently for a second, completely overwhelmed by the rapid fire exchange. "But sir..." he finally spoke, "There are dozens of pirates, how can we be sure it's him?"

Thatcher picked up his pipe from the table and began to stuff it with tobacco. He didn't look up. "I've always been clear about my policies regarding questioning my orders." He struck a match and lit the pipe. "Kill him."

The Commodore's bodyguard's picked up the youth and dragged him out of the cabin, though he protested all the way. There was a scream and then a splash.

We now see that Thatcher is representative of the "Devil" archetype, and this is certainly not a BPS.

Far away, though not as far away as he would have liked to be, Captain Abadar was being predictable. "We'll shelter t' th' south o' Tarin's Isle," he said, "Helm, bring us about."

"Yessir," the helmsman complied.

Abadar hobbled off across the deck, his wooden leg splashing in the pools of water. "Damned weather," he cursed, "Rain always gets in me eye." He rubbed at his right eye. The left was coverd with a black patch.

His first mate, a tall, thin man named Sorenson, scampered across the deck towards him. Sorenson's most distinguishing feature was a horribly ostentatious hat, wide-brimmed with a huge fether to one side. The feather, at the moment, was rather droopy and waterlogged.
"Cap'n, there's a sail on th' horizon."

"Who is't?" growled the pirate.

"Can't say in this weather, sir. Too far away."

"Grar, don't bother me, then." Abadar opened the cabin door and went down belowdecks. A small number of crew were gambling. The clatter of dice echoed above the noise of drinking, snoring, and money sliding across a small wooden table. Without stopping, Abadar drew his pistol and shot the nearest man in the head. The unfortunate victim toppled backwards, dead. The rest of the gamblers leapt to their feet. The table fell over with a crash, sending pieces of eight scattered across the floor. Sparing a glance at their captain, who continued walking past, the pirates dove for the money.

The scene of pirates carousing is another staple that is almost a requirement. We also see that Abadar is also a "devil" archetype, meaning this story is one that casts both sides as villainous.

Sorenson slipped in out of the rain and closed the door behind him. The dumped his hat upside-down, emptying the water. Slipping through the massive throng of pirates diving for gold, he fell into step behind Abadar. "Why'd ye shoot Binkley, sir?"

"Din't like th' way he looked. 'Arf t' show th' crew who's in charge ev'ry so often."

Abadar's justification comes from Blackbeard. The infamous pirate used the same excuse for maiming his gunner Israel Hands.

"Too true, sir, too true," agreed Sorenson. But his clenched teeth and downward glance showed otherwise.

Sorenson is showing the early signs of being the "Cold-Hearted Mercenary" archetype, though unfortunately in short format the story doesn't have much chance to delve into it.

"Sail t' th' nord, cap'n!" Lt. Bursar, a rather portly man with a small scruff of beard, lowered his spyglass and looked at Commodore Thatcher. "I t'ink its th' Albatross."

A note here: Commodore is not technically a rank; its a title meaning the bearer has direct command over both ships. Hence Bursar's calling Thatcher "cap'n" is appropriate.

"The winds at our back," said the Commodore, "We have them. Send the Viceroy to flank."

"Yessir." The Lieutenant disappeared into a cabin. A lantern flickered on, and the shutters opened and closed, sending a coded message across the blue.

"Captain Trevalyn, we've picked up a message from the Mariner." The young officer dropped his salute as the Captain acknowledged it.

Trevalyn took a sip of wine before replying. 'What does Thatcher want now?"

"They've spotted the pirates. They want us to flank them."

Trevalyn jumped to his feet. His desk shook, and the wineglass toppled over, crashing to the floor. "Flanking? Again? That rapscallion just wants to take all the glory for himself! Damn the sea, damn the pirates, and damn the Commodore, we're taking this one ourselves. Ready the men, give the order to engage."

"Yessir."

The smaller ship angled closer toward the black sails.

A common theme in not just pirate stories is "Evil Turns on Itself."

"'Tis def'nent'ly British, cap'n. Can't make out a name in this weather." Sorenson's words confirmed the pirate's doom.

"They're on t' us, then," growled Abadar, "But we don' go down easy! Run out the guns!"

The hodgepodge crew scrambled about, making ready for battle. Two gunners, Messers and Mathers, began to redy their cannon. Messers picked up a cannonball and began loading it into his gun. "Do y' think we'll make it?"

"Course we will," said Mathers, loading the gunpowder, "Cap'n'll find a way out, surer than y' can say abracadabra."

"Aberrawhat?"

"Never y' mind. Look, we outgun 'em,iffen we can get th' wind we can outrun 'em. We're only in trouble if they hit us wi' chain shot."

"Aye," agreed Messers, "We might make it yet."

We see here the introduction of the bantering duo.

The English cannoneer saluted. "Captain Trevalyn, the Chain Shot is loaded and ready."

"Good," nodded the officer, "use it as soon as you have the range."

They say, on the blue, that before battle, there is a sudden calm. They say, on the blue, that during a battle, sometimes you lose your sense of hearing. The endless rain finally ceased, and the sun peeked through a break in the clouds. Then there was silence.

At times, its best to pull back from the action and be rather metaphysical. It's the final battle where descrition is needed, this also helps you to not overdo it too early.

The first British volley fell short, splashing just in front of the larger ship. The second volley tore through the bulwarks, sending men and splinters firing. Then the pirates returned fire, sending spheres of death into the blue-shirted men. Then, silence died. There was a whirring sound followed by a KRAAAAAAAAK! as the chain shot severed the mast. The mighty pillar thundered down, crashing backwards onto the British ship to make a bridge.

The phrase "all hell broke loose" doesn't begin to apply. All the spawn of Abaddon could not produce such noise, such confusion. Perhaps if the Gates of Hell were thrown into the dust and then beneath the seventh layer another, greater Hell was found, an adequate description would exist. If we, as humans, could look upon the primal force of chaos in all its glory without being driven mad, then, then we might be able to produce an adjective. But our mortal minds cannot handle that woebegotten strain. And so, as an author, I am left with but one, albeit inferior, solution:

All hell broke loose.

The horde of blue scrambled across the makeshift bridge. A peal of fire cleared away the first wave, sending bodies toppling into the sea. When the smoke cleared, swords and axes were drawn, and the battle began in earnest.

Sorenson was at the front of the pirate line. He ducked under an overeager bayonet thrust and plunged his cutlass into the Briton's chest. He yanked out the bloody blade with a flourish, and promptly disemboweled another soldier. Amidst the shouting and the clanging he heard the crack of a flintlock and felt a searing pain across his arm. He cried out and dropped his blade. He glanced and his wounded limb; it was just a scratch, thankfully. But his weapon was lost in the scuffle. He reached into his sock for a knife, but not fast enough. A rifle-butt struck him in the head and he fell into blackness.

Now we zoom in on the important characters with rapid battle sequences.

Abadar hacked through the British, laughing like a madman. His broad-bladed scimitar left a bloody swathe behind him. "C'mon, yew Jacks! There ain't a man among yeh! Ain't there anyone t' fight me!" He hacked through the back of another soldier, severing the spine in a cloud of red. As his victim fell away, he found himself face to face with Captain Trevalyn. The Captain was covered in blood, one eye was black and his wig was askew. "Ye be the man who wrecked me ship!" Abadar roared, "I'll be killin' ye and takin' yers, then! Haarr!" His scimitar flashed, and the end of Trevalyn's cutlass clattered to thee deck. Left holding the broken hilt, the unfortunate captain stepped back once, twice, then turned and fled. Abadar stood and watched him go.

Trevalyn wasted no time in his flight. "Lost!" he raved as he ran, "All lost!" Reached his gunwales, he tore the nearest cannon away from the gunners and, with effort, spun it around to point at the deck.

"Is it loaded?" he asked.

The stunned gunner could only nod slowly.

"Good." Trevalyn lit the fuse.

The gunner found his tongue. "Sir! No! You can't! We'll-"

The cannon when off with a roar, tearing through the wood. The ship rocked. Water began to burble up through the hole.

"This is the end then," said Trevalyn, "Draw your swords men, we'll fight to the last."

Sacrificing the ship so the pirates don't get it is a frequent occurance

It was done before the waves claimed the Viceroy. No quarter was asked, and none was given. The surviving pirates dumped the blue bodies into the deep, letting them go down with their fallen ship.

The phrase "No quarter was asked, and none was given" or a variant thereof, is a stock phrase. use it.

Commodore Thatcher put down the spyglass. "The damn fool engaged too early."

"Sir?" queried an attendant, "What are your orders?"

"Take a bearing back south. Without a mainsail, Abadar has no choice but to make for the nearest island. We could overbear him now, but if we swing around, we can catch him while he anchors and half his men are ashore. Yes, that should work."

"And so it will," agreed the attendant.

* * *
This end the first "Act" The stage has been set, the first blows have been struck. It is now time for the finale (this being a short story).

A dark day lead to a darker night, but as the red sun rose the sky was clearer the ever. The damaged Albatross was anchored in a sandy cove. The broken ship seemed out of place next to the majestic trees that the beach disappeared into. Seagulls wheeled overhead, but there was no sign of life besides.

As before, we open with description.

6 canoes slipped into the bay, each one carrying six soldiers. Commodore Thatch was crouched in the bow of the lead ship. "Sssshh..." he hissed. The oars rose and fell in unison as the crafts moved forward.

The ambush with the crew waiting in canoes in another stock scene.

"Quiet!" growled Abadar. The surviving pirates, no more than a score, crouched in the lower decks of the Albatross. Abadar grabbed an unfortunate rogue by the scruff of his shirt, "Where be Sorenson?"

Not all real references have to be direct. when Blackbeard was cornered at Ocracoake, Lt. Maynard had his crew pull this trick to lure the pirates out. Now, Abadar uses it in reverse.

"I-" stuttered the pirate, "I ent seen him, cap'n, honest!"

"I saw 'im, Cap'n" said another pirate.

"Quiet!" growled Abadar, "But speak yer piece."

The pirate lowered his voice to a whisper, "Took a wound durin' th' fight, we 'ad 'im laid up in the kitchens, but then he left. Last night, he took some vittles and those two lads, whassernames, Mathers and Messers? They took the longboat t' land, said 'twas yer orders, they did."

"Dagon's breath, a pox on 'im! I'll kill 'im meself! After I finish with Thatcher, that is." A floorboard creaked above.

We see the "Evil turns on itself" idea again.

"Looks deserted, sir," came the voice of a British soldier, filtered through the wood.

"Doesn't feel right. Something's wrong here," said Thatcher.

A trapdoor behind him burst open and Abadar leapt out, his sabers glinting in the sunlight. His motley crew leapt out behind him. Thatcher's reflexes were well honed, and he managed to leap away from Abadar's blow. His soldiers were less lucky, six of them fell to quick thrusts before they could ready their weapons.

Well inland, Sorenson heard the sounds of battle. "Tha' shoul' distract 'em for a bit," he said, "and this place is as good as any. Yew two, start diggin'."

"Aye, sir." chorused Mathers and Messers. They began to unsheathe shovels from their backs.
"Dig seperate holes, so there's a decoy," he eyed the ornate chest taken from New Berington greedily, "We don' want this fallin' into wrong 'ands."

Once surprise was lost, the pirates began to lose ground. With discipline and numbers on their side, the British soldiers were making short work of the buccaneers. Abadar and Thatcher were dueling on the fo'c'sle. Abadar's heavy scimitar had been lost, and now both combatants were wielding cutlasses. Abadar was bleeding from a good score of wounds. "Ye'll never take me alive, Commodore," growled the pirate captain.

"The thought never crossed my mind." Thatcher drew a flintlock pistol and unloaded it into Abadar's chest. The huge pirate staggered back.

A variant of this phrase is another common set of ddialogue.

But he didn't fall. "I'm not tha' easy to kill." He spat blood and charged. Thatcher plunged his cutlass into the pirate up to the hilt. Abadar's wild blow caught the officer across the head and sent him sprawling against the gunwale.

The huge bearded man drew his own pistol and leveled it as the commodore. "I'm goin' t' th' gates o' hell, mayhap, but ye'll be joined me for sure." Then he staggered, and fell to his knees. He tried to reaim the gun, but he couldn't. With one last final act of defiance, he spat at the British officer. Then he collapsed fully, dead.

Abadar's death, like much else, recalls Blackbeard. The pirate was supposedly bleeding from 3 pistol shots and a score of wounds before he finally fell.

"Yew lot finished yet?" growled Sorenson.

"Aye, matey, this should do 't," said Mathers, scrambling out of his hole and leaning on his shovel.

Messers climbed out of his hole and nodded his assent, "Ought t' be deep enuff"

"Good," said Sorenson. He drew his pistol and shot Mathers between the eyes, then ran Messers through with his cutlass. The two bodies fell gracefully into the fresh graves. "That worked well enuff," said Sorenson. The pirate lifted the chest and began making his way to the southwest.

"You mean to tell me," growled Thatcher, "That you've searched this entire ship and you haven't found the Berington chest?"

Lt. Bursar winced, fearing his captain's onslaught, "Ye-yessir."

There was a bang and a series of squaks. A small column of birds lifted above the treeline to the north. "They went inland..." whispered Thatcher. Then he switched to his ordering voice. "Bursar, take two men and form up on me. We're going in; we'll have to find it before its buried too deep."

Bursar's eyes lit up. A smile almost creeped across his face, but didn't. The assaying of the Commodore's wrath was merely temporary. "Yessir, right away sir."

Sorenson ran through the jungle carrying his special cargo. He knew if he could reach his longboat he could row out to the next island and be away scot-free. Not ever Abadar would be able to catch him. He chuckled at his brilliance and he leapt over a small log. The laugh died in his throat. He had entered a clearing full of British soldiers. Thatcher's pistol was aimed straight at his head.

"Game's up, pirate. I'm in a good mood, so if you'll just hand over the chest, I'll let you go."

"I-" Sorenson's statement, whether refusal or acceptance of the deal was interrupted by another pistol cocking. A bedraggled figure clad in what had once been Navy Blue clambered out of the underbrush. His pistol was pointed at Thatcher.

"Forgetting t' invite ol' friends t' th' party? Ye threw me overboard, Commodore." His voice was layered with ire. "But I can swim. I swore I'd get revenge, and it seems I have."

Thatcher gulped. None of his men moved. "You shoot me, this man dies."

The "Mexican Standoff" is a common conflict in Pirate stories.

"I'm not his friend." The ex-shipman fired. Thatcher fired too, but Sorenson was already moving. The pistol shot ripped the hat from his head, put left the pirate untouched. The Commodore was not so lucky; his brains splattered across the grass.

Dropping the chest, Sorenson fired his pistol once, and Thatcher's killer fell. He tossed the smoking weapon aside. There was no time to reload. He drew a pair of cutlasses and charged.

Leaping forward, he slashed the throat of the closest soldier. Another came at him from behind, but he spun the swords around and fell backwards, burying both blades in the warriors chest. Then he turned on the last Briton.

Lt. Bursar dropped his rifle and stepped back, hands raised. "I-- I surrender. Even pirates have their codes. You wouldn't kill an unarmed man with nothing to loot, would you?"

Sorenson glared at him as he retrieved his hat. "No, I can't say I would. Catch!" He tossed his off-hand cutlass. Reflexes acting too fast, Bursar grabbed the blade from the air, and Sorenson buried the other in his belly.

Once more, we see a cliched sequence used to kill off cowards.

The pirate wiped both swords in the grass, picked up the chest, and continued his race to the longboat.

* * *
Three days out to see, he spotted a schooner. The captain, a gaunt man with shaved head hauled the pirate aboard. "Thank ye, sir," said Sorenson as he clambered over the bulwark. "What's yer name? What's yer country?"

"I have neither," said the gaunt man.

Sorenson paused, confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing that concerns the dead," said the gaunt man. Sorenson never saw him move, but sure enough a rapier hilt was embedded in his chest. The gaunt man drew it out slowly as Sorenson's body toppled back into the sea.

Slowly, the old sailor examined the chest. "This," he said, "is an interesting development."

And now the sequel is set up. The end.




FOOTNOTES
1. "Easy" is figurative. If you have a difficult time creating pirate characters, I have no liabity.
2. Firefly is not, per se, a pirate story, though it shares many elements and character types, and thus makes for a good example in this case.
3. The Greek god of luck.
4. For a less-flattering, but just as entertaining, portrayal, see Rincewind in Interesting Times.
5. In layman's terms, Robin Hood on the water.
6. The debate is out on exactly why Steve is a bad time for a pirate. My personal opinion is that is results from the pirate tendenct to trill long vowels, making it Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve, which is rather annoying. Another suggestion is that Steve is a cubicle worker's name, and thus has no place in piracy. Another person suggested that it is all Alan Tudyk's fault, and his portrayal of Steve the pirate ruined the name for any future pirates.7
7. That person, of course, has been hunted down and shot.
8. The name of Ralph is also up for debate. Ralph Kiner is one of the greatest Pirates of all time, but in this case he doesn't really count.